You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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