DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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