Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
