you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just high enough for therapy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
