Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
