Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
