11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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