If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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