Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
