My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
