It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
