I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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