I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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