I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
