I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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