I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
