You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
pop tarts are not kleenex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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