please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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