Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
