Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
