just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
