I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
