using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
