At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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