There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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