AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
