this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
