dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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