he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
