when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
