Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
