So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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