i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
