I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
