No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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