she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
