By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
