I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
