Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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