he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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