Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
