Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
