Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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