I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Soap is not a condiment
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
