Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
