ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
