you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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