Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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