I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's always time for handjobs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
