Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
