Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
