well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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