just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
