they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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