just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
