Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
