she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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