we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
