did you get engaged???
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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