The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
