im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
