No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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