if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
