At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
