I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
