I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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