a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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