Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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