your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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