New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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