stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
