this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
