Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
