Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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