Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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