Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
