My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat