With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
