i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.