we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here