epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso