Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants