so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card