Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
