Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
birth control should be required to get into college
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
