just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
pray to the hookup gods
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
