as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
