Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
